Voices
Liudmyla (right) with Anna, Regional Lead for the West of England (left)
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"I'm from Ukraine. I'm here because it's worrying in Ukraine. In my past I was a social worker. I worked with people who have disabilities. When I came to Bristol, I tried to find something related to social work because I'm a Psychologist and Social Pedagogist and I found Clean Slate and the Elements programme."
Read our interview with Liudmyla, below |
Liudmyla's story
Thank you for talking to us. Please could you introduce yourself?
I'm from Ukraine. I'm here because it's worrying in Ukraine. In my past I was a social worker. I worked with people who have disabilities. When I came to Bristol, I tried to find something related to social work because I'm a Psychologist and Social Pedagogist and I found Clean Slate and the Elements programme.
After talking to Anna and Leon at Clean Slate they offered me this programme. I decided to try it because I thought that it's a good chance for me to do a job I understand and to improve my english.
I really miss my home and I think that speaking english is still my biggest problem. I couldn't feel confident in my professional skills, because for people in a social care sphere, communication skills are the number one skill. That's why we need to be absolutely confident.
Tell us about the Elements programme
First of all, it's a great team. I felt huge support from Leon and Anna. And it was great to improve, not only language skills, but to improve my other skills.
I remember my first training session. It was horrible because all of these people were native speakers and I couldn’t understand most of the information. When I told Leon about this problem, he gave me lots of support. I felt this support at the drop-in centres as well - Leon helped if I couldn't find some words I needed. And every time I felt calm.
My managers and the tutors were great. I feel that these people were like my friends - it's great when you have so much support and you can be absolutely calm and just enjoy the learning process.
From the third session I felt more confident. I tried to understand different accents because these people were from different parts of England. The group was very polite and gave me lots of support. This training - the 7 Signs - was like a therapy group. It's a great opportunity for everyone who wants to have some work in the social field because we need to be strong and we need to have strong mental health. And on the 7 Signs people share their own story… There were absolutely different people but the atmosphere was very comfortable.
If you could go back and speak to yourself when you were struggling the most, what would you say to yourself?
Of course, it's a language problem because I have good experience and communication skills. If I speak Ukrainian or Russian or maybe Polish, it will not be so difficult. But every time I walked into the drop-in centre I improved my English and I improved my confidence.
It was hard for me at first because I'm a person who wants to give people good support. And if I give them some help I want to do this absolutely professionally. That's why I had conflict in me because if you can't speak well, you can't give people absolutely perfect support.
How did the paid placement go and did the routine add any value to your life?
It was not only a learning process, it was like in my old job. Every week I knew that I needed to go to the drop-in centre and help people find some solutions to their problems. And also every time I got different information about different courses for our clients, about different helpful stuff, like food banks, like different training courses and so on. Every time I wanted to share this information with our clients because Clean Slate has great opportunities for people. Sometimes our clients were confused about their situation. With Leon we tried to understand what more we can do for these clients, and it was great.
What are you most proud of?
I'm very proud because I found my own power to start something in the social field here in England without good language skills. That's why I'm proud. Also, I'm very proud because I found a lot of people who were like me. And had similar thoughts. We want to help other people. It's a good opportunity to develop my professional skills.
I think that the Elements programme is very unique. It works for people who don't have the same experience professionally as me because people can try to be a Peer Worker and maybe it's good for them. Because of this program, they can find their own way to develop.
Some of this information I tried to use in my daily life. Clean Slate was an amazing part of my life and a great experience and all your staff inspired me and believed in me. I believe in myself.
I can't believe how much I struggled with english only nine months ago. And now I am doing an interview! And if you can understand me and I can understand you, it's not so bad.
I'm from Ukraine. I'm here because it's worrying in Ukraine. In my past I was a social worker. I worked with people who have disabilities. When I came to Bristol, I tried to find something related to social work because I'm a Psychologist and Social Pedagogist and I found Clean Slate and the Elements programme.
After talking to Anna and Leon at Clean Slate they offered me this programme. I decided to try it because I thought that it's a good chance for me to do a job I understand and to improve my english.
I really miss my home and I think that speaking english is still my biggest problem. I couldn't feel confident in my professional skills, because for people in a social care sphere, communication skills are the number one skill. That's why we need to be absolutely confident.
Tell us about the Elements programme
First of all, it's a great team. I felt huge support from Leon and Anna. And it was great to improve, not only language skills, but to improve my other skills.
I remember my first training session. It was horrible because all of these people were native speakers and I couldn’t understand most of the information. When I told Leon about this problem, he gave me lots of support. I felt this support at the drop-in centres as well - Leon helped if I couldn't find some words I needed. And every time I felt calm.
My managers and the tutors were great. I feel that these people were like my friends - it's great when you have so much support and you can be absolutely calm and just enjoy the learning process.
From the third session I felt more confident. I tried to understand different accents because these people were from different parts of England. The group was very polite and gave me lots of support. This training - the 7 Signs - was like a therapy group. It's a great opportunity for everyone who wants to have some work in the social field because we need to be strong and we need to have strong mental health. And on the 7 Signs people share their own story… There were absolutely different people but the atmosphere was very comfortable.
If you could go back and speak to yourself when you were struggling the most, what would you say to yourself?
Of course, it's a language problem because I have good experience and communication skills. If I speak Ukrainian or Russian or maybe Polish, it will not be so difficult. But every time I walked into the drop-in centre I improved my English and I improved my confidence.
It was hard for me at first because I'm a person who wants to give people good support. And if I give them some help I want to do this absolutely professionally. That's why I had conflict in me because if you can't speak well, you can't give people absolutely perfect support.
How did the paid placement go and did the routine add any value to your life?
It was not only a learning process, it was like in my old job. Every week I knew that I needed to go to the drop-in centre and help people find some solutions to their problems. And also every time I got different information about different courses for our clients, about different helpful stuff, like food banks, like different training courses and so on. Every time I wanted to share this information with our clients because Clean Slate has great opportunities for people. Sometimes our clients were confused about their situation. With Leon we tried to understand what more we can do for these clients, and it was great.
What are you most proud of?
I'm very proud because I found my own power to start something in the social field here in England without good language skills. That's why I'm proud. Also, I'm very proud because I found a lot of people who were like me. And had similar thoughts. We want to help other people. It's a good opportunity to develop my professional skills.
I think that the Elements programme is very unique. It works for people who don't have the same experience professionally as me because people can try to be a Peer Worker and maybe it's good for them. Because of this program, they can find their own way to develop.
Some of this information I tried to use in my daily life. Clean Slate was an amazing part of my life and a great experience and all your staff inspired me and believed in me. I believe in myself.
I can't believe how much I struggled with english only nine months ago. And now I am doing an interview! And if you can understand me and I can understand you, it's not so bad.
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"The moment you start on the programme, you feel like you take little steps on a ladder which leads up to where you'd like to go"
Petya joined Clean Slate on the Elements programme in October 2022, having taken a long career break after having children. Previously, she'd worked as a receptionist and as a teacher of English for speakers of other languages. |
petya's story
“I've been living in Bath for almost 20 years. I worked in the hospitality industry, but after the children, it was really difficult to find a part-time job.
“I went to one of the free adult courses at college and was given the name Clean Slate. I thought, ‘why not?’ I did a paid job through the programme and it was something I really loved. I ended up helping run a drop-in at the library; my favourite place. I started by shadowing a colleague - watching how he dealt with queries on the phone and with people face-to-face - dealing with questions they had about how to find a job and how to help them financially.
“One day we met a lady who had been trying everything. She'd been in a lot of debt but just one phone call changed all that. The feeling you get when you witness that is second to none.
“The moment you start on the programme, you feel like you take little steps on a ladder which leads up to where you'd like to go. You just go on those little steps one by one because every time you go and attend the programme, you learn something new.”
We hear from Elements Coach, Francesca, about how Petya is getting on:
“At the end of the course, Petya was sent many job vacancies and applied for a job as receptionist at the local college. She made a strong application and, although she did not get it, she was not upset. We discussed looking for jobs that spark her interest and she is passionate about.
“During our 5th coaching session Petya told me that she had a new job at Bath Spa University as an Academic Support Worker for 13 hours a week on a self-employed basis. She told me that things have been clicking in the background of her mind, like cogs, and everything slotted into place for her. Thanks to the coaching and also the experience of being on placement with Clean Slate she achieved her goal of getting a job in the education sector with the added support worker aspect.”
“I went to one of the free adult courses at college and was given the name Clean Slate. I thought, ‘why not?’ I did a paid job through the programme and it was something I really loved. I ended up helping run a drop-in at the library; my favourite place. I started by shadowing a colleague - watching how he dealt with queries on the phone and with people face-to-face - dealing with questions they had about how to find a job and how to help them financially.
“One day we met a lady who had been trying everything. She'd been in a lot of debt but just one phone call changed all that. The feeling you get when you witness that is second to none.
“The moment you start on the programme, you feel like you take little steps on a ladder which leads up to where you'd like to go. You just go on those little steps one by one because every time you go and attend the programme, you learn something new.”
We hear from Elements Coach, Francesca, about how Petya is getting on:
“At the end of the course, Petya was sent many job vacancies and applied for a job as receptionist at the local college. She made a strong application and, although she did not get it, she was not upset. We discussed looking for jobs that spark her interest and she is passionate about.
“During our 5th coaching session Petya told me that she had a new job at Bath Spa University as an Academic Support Worker for 13 hours a week on a self-employed basis. She told me that things have been clicking in the background of her mind, like cogs, and everything slotted into place for her. Thanks to the coaching and also the experience of being on placement with Clean Slate she achieved her goal of getting a job in the education sector with the added support worker aspect.”
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“I’ve gone from paying £42 a month for my broadband to £15”
Waleed, 61, from London is retired and lives with his partner and older child. He was struggling to make ends meet, including debt on some of his utility bills, when he was put in touch with Clean Slate. |
Waleed's story
Waleed, 61, from London is retired and lives with his partner and older child. He was struggling to make ends meet, including debt on some of his utility bills, when he was put in touch with Clean Slate.
Becci, Waleed’s Support Worker, went through a Money Health Check with him - this involves 25 yes/no questions that quickly gives an idea of income and expenditure and opportunities to make savings or access support and offers. Becci explained to Waleed that, because he claims Universal Credit, he is eligible for a social tariff, offered under various names by most of the big broadband providers.
“I had no idea about social tariffs”, said Waleed. “I’ve gone from paying £504 a year to £180. I’ve already informed most of my friends about it, so hopefully some of them can get a better deal, too.
“The speed is just the same, it’s really fast and I found it really easy to sign up once Becci pointed me in the right direction.
“Before, I had no idea, I wouldn’t have known about this good offer from BT”
Becci, Waleed’s Support Worker, went through a Money Health Check with him - this involves 25 yes/no questions that quickly gives an idea of income and expenditure and opportunities to make savings or access support and offers. Becci explained to Waleed that, because he claims Universal Credit, he is eligible for a social tariff, offered under various names by most of the big broadband providers.
“I had no idea about social tariffs”, said Waleed. “I’ve gone from paying £504 a year to £180. I’ve already informed most of my friends about it, so hopefully some of them can get a better deal, too.
“The speed is just the same, it’s really fast and I found it really easy to sign up once Becci pointed me in the right direction.
“Before, I had no idea, I wouldn’t have known about this good offer from BT”
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“You guys were a breath of fresh air. You know, coming into our lives has transformed everything - literally! I was saying to my wife, ‘I can’t believe there is so much support out there, but if you don’t know, you don’t know.’
Ismael, 43, lives in Greater London with his wife and 3 children ranging from 8 years down to 3. Ismael’s wife is a full time mum and Ismael works to support the family. The family claims Universal Credit due to being on a low income. |
Ismael's story
When the Job Centre put Ismael in touch with Clean Slate, he was struggling with debt due to Council Tax arrears and a large parking fine. Lena supported Ismael for 8-12 weeks of intensive money support, funded by the Department for Work and Pensions.
“Things were hard,” says Ismael. “I was very poor. I was only doing a few shifts at work. Lena came into my life and the finances were very critical. I explained everything and she started doing research and sending me information about what I needed to do and we sort of started a project together. She supported me and I’m in a better place now. Much better than before.
“My experience - my history is 15 years in sales” explains Ismael. “I rose through the ranks and became a manager. When I met Lena, she came up with the idea that if you’ve done that work, why don’t you try for a Sales Grant. She supported me through it and she was fantastic. Credit to Lena - since she came into our lives - there are so many things we didn’t know. She sort of opened my eyes to the support and everything. I was so naive.”
Lena explains that when she first spoke to Ismael, it was clear he was juggling a lot.
“We had to reschedule a few appointments, but it also seemed as if he felt like nothing would actually help. This made me a bit apprehensive about the outcomes of our work together, since these largely depend on the client’s proactiveness. We provide the guidelines, but the client still needs to get the bank statements, the employment history, and any other relevant documentation, and then send it to the right people, in the right format, which can be very challenging.
“But luckily for both of us, Ismael persevered and managed to end up with with his entire council debt cleared, as well as some extra help totalling £4,135 worth of financial gains, and a complete change of attitude towards services, which will enable him to keep engaging with other providers when he needs to.”
Ismael continues: “While I was working with Clean Slate I was offered another job with more hours as a customer service manager for a retail group that has a petrol station, CostCutter and a Subway.
“I can actually save. Can you believe it? A few months ago, I couldn’t even save £20 and now, I’ve got over £2000 saved. That’s the thing. It’s life changing.
“At the moment my electricity bill is horrendous. I used to put on £50 and it would last about 4 weeks, now £50 only lasts a maximum of 2 weeks. It’s expensive. Everything has gone up. Before, you’d take £50 to shop and get lots of stuff and now I take £50 and get only a few items. So much has gone wrong in terms of cost of living.
“I’m still managing to save but I’m doing some crazy hours. I’ve been squashing the hours in, going hard. Because it’s Christmas, isn’t it? I want the kids to have the best Christmas ever. Starting next month, I’m going to take it a bit easier. In December I will have some time with the family. Go up to London, do the lights, fantastic stuff.”
“Things were hard,” says Ismael. “I was very poor. I was only doing a few shifts at work. Lena came into my life and the finances were very critical. I explained everything and she started doing research and sending me information about what I needed to do and we sort of started a project together. She supported me and I’m in a better place now. Much better than before.
“My experience - my history is 15 years in sales” explains Ismael. “I rose through the ranks and became a manager. When I met Lena, she came up with the idea that if you’ve done that work, why don’t you try for a Sales Grant. She supported me through it and she was fantastic. Credit to Lena - since she came into our lives - there are so many things we didn’t know. She sort of opened my eyes to the support and everything. I was so naive.”
Lena explains that when she first spoke to Ismael, it was clear he was juggling a lot.
“We had to reschedule a few appointments, but it also seemed as if he felt like nothing would actually help. This made me a bit apprehensive about the outcomes of our work together, since these largely depend on the client’s proactiveness. We provide the guidelines, but the client still needs to get the bank statements, the employment history, and any other relevant documentation, and then send it to the right people, in the right format, which can be very challenging.
“But luckily for both of us, Ismael persevered and managed to end up with with his entire council debt cleared, as well as some extra help totalling £4,135 worth of financial gains, and a complete change of attitude towards services, which will enable him to keep engaging with other providers when he needs to.”
Ismael continues: “While I was working with Clean Slate I was offered another job with more hours as a customer service manager for a retail group that has a petrol station, CostCutter and a Subway.
“I can actually save. Can you believe it? A few months ago, I couldn’t even save £20 and now, I’ve got over £2000 saved. That’s the thing. It’s life changing.
“At the moment my electricity bill is horrendous. I used to put on £50 and it would last about 4 weeks, now £50 only lasts a maximum of 2 weeks. It’s expensive. Everything has gone up. Before, you’d take £50 to shop and get lots of stuff and now I take £50 and get only a few items. So much has gone wrong in terms of cost of living.
“I’m still managing to save but I’m doing some crazy hours. I’ve been squashing the hours in, going hard. Because it’s Christmas, isn’t it? I want the kids to have the best Christmas ever. Starting next month, I’m going to take it a bit easier. In December I will have some time with the family. Go up to London, do the lights, fantastic stuff.”
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“The life experience thing - it's like a silver lining. So you might have a problem. But at the end of the day, when you get through it, you're stronger from it and you have more experience. And it makes you a better person in a way.”
Mark, 43, lived in his van for two years after his marriage broke down. In February 2022, Mark sought help from Clean Slate. He started with the 3Bs money skills course and is now on the Elements programme, using his life experience to support others. |
mark's story
After I split with my wife, it felt like nothing was working, that the system is not helping how it should. I was being told “you're on a tenancy so you're not classed as homeless”.
I was still going to work, living out of my van. It was the only consistent thing I had. Gateway was good - I used the shower, washing machine and tumble dryer, and sometimes got food there as well. Plus, there was someone there to talk to and get advice and help with forms and so on. Apart from that, I was just sleeping in the van, going to work, going back, sometimes eating and sleeping again.
I was mostly parked in one place; sometimes I'd move if I had a day off. There were three or four different places that I was going to but not all were on a flat level because I wanted to be discreet, so it wasn't too easy to cook or sleep. Then in other places that are flat you've got traffic going past and other issues like being more in the open.
Because of the stress, I developed fibromyalgia which causes a lot of pain and exhaustion and limits me to what I am able to do. I also had a heart attack two years ago. In the end, I had to stop working.
In February I got referred to Clean Slate. I started with a 3 Bs money skills course at the YMCA, with Helen and Bella. At the end of the course, they approached me and said, 'Would you be interested in working with Clean Slate, because we're looking for people with lived experience?’ I thought, ‘What do you mean?’ And they went into it and explained about the peer support workers and so on. And then I said, 'Yes, I’d be very excited.'
I was excited because it is a worthwhile job that you actually get a feeling of reward from because you see a difference when you help someone. It's like a builder. You can see he's got a house at the end and with Elements you can see the change you make in someone's life. I see them improving and then they end up passing it on and may even become part of helping. So it's like paying it forward.
The life experience thing - it's like a silver lining. So you might have a problem. But at the end of the day, when you get through it, you're stronger from it and you have more experience. And it makes you a better person in a way. Whereas other people that have everything handed to them, you can get the sort of stereotypical brat; unaware-type people.
I'm still going through it. It's still early days for me. But I've done two drop centres and helped with signposting people to different groups and places. I've managed to signpost lots of people to Quids in! stuff, so that's good.
I've got a lot more hope now. Healthwise, I've started to have some more good days. Before, I was only having a good couple of hours in the late afternoon or evening time. Now I'm actually having full days where I'm fine. But I’ve got to be careful because sometimes when I have a good day, and I do exert myself, then I have a bad week following. I use both medication and techniques to deal with fibromyalgia. I'm on the maximum dosage of most of my medicine.
Hopefully this year I'll have a house; somewhere to call home. I have been affected by it all, but there's not a lot I can do. So I'll just keep on trying my best.
My advice to someone if they're going through something like me is that there are a lot of places to go for help. But it’s like what Clean Slate says about getting online - you can't always find these places unless you've got an internet connection to Google search and look for it.
But there are places around, which I've started finding now. I found the Weston Hub through Clean Slate. It means I can get food to take to my room, including canned foods and it's a lot cheaper. You also get the three course meal so every Monday bar bank holidays, you can go there.
And then on Wednesday, there is Food Cycle at the Nexus Church on London Road where they do vegetarian three course meals. So I do my Elements uni course in the daytime, try and have a nap if I get the chance and then I'll go to the church afterwards which helps with socialising, and gets you out as well so you're not feeling so depressed.
It gives you a bit of a boost when you hear other people's stories. Some not as bad, some worse but it helps you realise that you are not alone. Because I was thinking 'What have I done wrong to deserve this?!' It's not just you, there's a lot of people suffering; from many walks of life as well.
It helps just getting out and talking to people. You get help, you get community around you, you get support and you feel more motivation to be able to help yourself.
I was still going to work, living out of my van. It was the only consistent thing I had. Gateway was good - I used the shower, washing machine and tumble dryer, and sometimes got food there as well. Plus, there was someone there to talk to and get advice and help with forms and so on. Apart from that, I was just sleeping in the van, going to work, going back, sometimes eating and sleeping again.
I was mostly parked in one place; sometimes I'd move if I had a day off. There were three or four different places that I was going to but not all were on a flat level because I wanted to be discreet, so it wasn't too easy to cook or sleep. Then in other places that are flat you've got traffic going past and other issues like being more in the open.
Because of the stress, I developed fibromyalgia which causes a lot of pain and exhaustion and limits me to what I am able to do. I also had a heart attack two years ago. In the end, I had to stop working.
In February I got referred to Clean Slate. I started with a 3 Bs money skills course at the YMCA, with Helen and Bella. At the end of the course, they approached me and said, 'Would you be interested in working with Clean Slate, because we're looking for people with lived experience?’ I thought, ‘What do you mean?’ And they went into it and explained about the peer support workers and so on. And then I said, 'Yes, I’d be very excited.'
I was excited because it is a worthwhile job that you actually get a feeling of reward from because you see a difference when you help someone. It's like a builder. You can see he's got a house at the end and with Elements you can see the change you make in someone's life. I see them improving and then they end up passing it on and may even become part of helping. So it's like paying it forward.
The life experience thing - it's like a silver lining. So you might have a problem. But at the end of the day, when you get through it, you're stronger from it and you have more experience. And it makes you a better person in a way. Whereas other people that have everything handed to them, you can get the sort of stereotypical brat; unaware-type people.
I'm still going through it. It's still early days for me. But I've done two drop centres and helped with signposting people to different groups and places. I've managed to signpost lots of people to Quids in! stuff, so that's good.
I've got a lot more hope now. Healthwise, I've started to have some more good days. Before, I was only having a good couple of hours in the late afternoon or evening time. Now I'm actually having full days where I'm fine. But I’ve got to be careful because sometimes when I have a good day, and I do exert myself, then I have a bad week following. I use both medication and techniques to deal with fibromyalgia. I'm on the maximum dosage of most of my medicine.
Hopefully this year I'll have a house; somewhere to call home. I have been affected by it all, but there's not a lot I can do. So I'll just keep on trying my best.
My advice to someone if they're going through something like me is that there are a lot of places to go for help. But it’s like what Clean Slate says about getting online - you can't always find these places unless you've got an internet connection to Google search and look for it.
But there are places around, which I've started finding now. I found the Weston Hub through Clean Slate. It means I can get food to take to my room, including canned foods and it's a lot cheaper. You also get the three course meal so every Monday bar bank holidays, you can go there.
And then on Wednesday, there is Food Cycle at the Nexus Church on London Road where they do vegetarian three course meals. So I do my Elements uni course in the daytime, try and have a nap if I get the chance and then I'll go to the church afterwards which helps with socialising, and gets you out as well so you're not feeling so depressed.
It gives you a bit of a boost when you hear other people's stories. Some not as bad, some worse but it helps you realise that you are not alone. Because I was thinking 'What have I done wrong to deserve this?!' It's not just you, there's a lot of people suffering; from many walks of life as well.
It helps just getting out and talking to people. You get help, you get community around you, you get support and you feel more motivation to be able to help yourself.
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“I’ve gone from worrying if I'm going to be able to meet everything to actually being OK”
The landscaping business that Clare set up with her husband stalled when the pandemic hit, quickly followed by the breakdown of her marriage, leaving Clare facing debt and worrying about putting food on the table for her two children. Clare reached out for help and has been steadily rebuilding her life ever since. |
clare's story
Christmas came and went and the business was doing OK. And then COVID hit and the stress started to come because there were issues with stock and things like that. Things started to go on a massive decline. We had to use a large overdraft and credit cards. Also, we hadn't completed our first tax return as it was only a three or four month old business, so we weren't entitled to most of the grants that were available from the government. We only ever received one grant, which was for £2000. So we were living on the overdraft and little, odd bits of money, that were coming in from the business.
Then my marriage broke down and the constant worry of money would wake me up at five in the morning, three in the morning. I worried about how I was going to keep the roof over our heads. I'm a very proud mum, I don't want to go cap in hand to anybody. But I didn’t know what to do.
To be honest with you, when I first started talking to Geraldine at Clean Slate things were bad. A lot of it was accountability, because I kind of brushed things under the carpet, and didn't really want to face it to be honest. And she showed me, I suppose she taught me to face it head on, and that it was OK, and there'd be support in place.
Geraldine was so amazing. So understanding. She sent food vouchers every four weeks - an £85 food voucher. They were a godsend. You wouldn't believe how much I needed that at the time.
I was able to transfer all of my balances from five or six cards onto just two. And it saved me £120 a month in payments. That's a huge amount to save.
I’ve gone from worrying if I'm going to be able to meet everything to actually being OK. I've got maybe £40 left and I've got that for food. I've got that for fuel. And all my bills are paid and do you know - the relief... Oh my gosh.
I’m training to be a nurse now and I do have quite big dreams. I want to be an example to my girls. I'd love to set up my own business and bring together mental health and creativity and have something like a retreat. Maybe some land, maybe a forest, maybe a little stream and a little studio, where people can come and not be isolated by bereavement, or by PTSD.
I finally have direction in my life, so I’m holding on to that, and I'm visualising it. I hope to pay off my mortgage early as well, to change the term down. It’s 20 years at the moment, but the next time, I'm hoping to change it for 15 years, then 10 years so I can pay it off quicker.
And I’ve set up life insurance, I’ve got things in place, I’ve sorted out my will. All of this has been done since speaking to Geraldine. Talking to her highlighted the importance of sorting my finances, especially if anything happened to me. She's made me think of things that are important. In 15 years I can be mortgage free. I do have these goals and dreams in place and I feel like they're achievable now whereas last year, if you'd have asked me, I would have said absolutely no way.
Managing money is so important. They're really not teaching the everyday stuff at school. Algebra is all very well but learning how to budget and teaching that from a young age could make such a difference, because not everybody's parents are that way inclined.
I definitely feel comfortable talking about my journey now. I would have been embarrassed before. Now, I feel almost determined to bring this to light. People would probably look at me and assume that I’m not having money worries. I suppose because I have an education.
But it absolutely does need to be talked about and people need to feel that it's OK. It's actually OK. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I think social media has a lot to be blamed for, because a lot of people look at these lives that seem so unattainable and really, behind closed doors, it's not like that at all. There is a lot of stigma that needs to be broken down.
I'm proud of the fact that I asked for help and proud that I've spoken to Geraldine. It’s made me who I am and it's certainly kept me grounded. If my story can help, then great. If it helps people to change their habits, open their mail, open their bills. Little things like that. It's a knock on effect, I guess.
Then my marriage broke down and the constant worry of money would wake me up at five in the morning, three in the morning. I worried about how I was going to keep the roof over our heads. I'm a very proud mum, I don't want to go cap in hand to anybody. But I didn’t know what to do.
To be honest with you, when I first started talking to Geraldine at Clean Slate things were bad. A lot of it was accountability, because I kind of brushed things under the carpet, and didn't really want to face it to be honest. And she showed me, I suppose she taught me to face it head on, and that it was OK, and there'd be support in place.
Geraldine was so amazing. So understanding. She sent food vouchers every four weeks - an £85 food voucher. They were a godsend. You wouldn't believe how much I needed that at the time.
I was able to transfer all of my balances from five or six cards onto just two. And it saved me £120 a month in payments. That's a huge amount to save.
I’ve gone from worrying if I'm going to be able to meet everything to actually being OK. I've got maybe £40 left and I've got that for food. I've got that for fuel. And all my bills are paid and do you know - the relief... Oh my gosh.
I’m training to be a nurse now and I do have quite big dreams. I want to be an example to my girls. I'd love to set up my own business and bring together mental health and creativity and have something like a retreat. Maybe some land, maybe a forest, maybe a little stream and a little studio, where people can come and not be isolated by bereavement, or by PTSD.
I finally have direction in my life, so I’m holding on to that, and I'm visualising it. I hope to pay off my mortgage early as well, to change the term down. It’s 20 years at the moment, but the next time, I'm hoping to change it for 15 years, then 10 years so I can pay it off quicker.
And I’ve set up life insurance, I’ve got things in place, I’ve sorted out my will. All of this has been done since speaking to Geraldine. Talking to her highlighted the importance of sorting my finances, especially if anything happened to me. She's made me think of things that are important. In 15 years I can be mortgage free. I do have these goals and dreams in place and I feel like they're achievable now whereas last year, if you'd have asked me, I would have said absolutely no way.
Managing money is so important. They're really not teaching the everyday stuff at school. Algebra is all very well but learning how to budget and teaching that from a young age could make such a difference, because not everybody's parents are that way inclined.
I definitely feel comfortable talking about my journey now. I would have been embarrassed before. Now, I feel almost determined to bring this to light. People would probably look at me and assume that I’m not having money worries. I suppose because I have an education.
But it absolutely does need to be talked about and people need to feel that it's OK. It's actually OK. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. I think social media has a lot to be blamed for, because a lot of people look at these lives that seem so unattainable and really, behind closed doors, it's not like that at all. There is a lot of stigma that needs to be broken down.
I'm proud of the fact that I asked for help and proud that I've spoken to Geraldine. It’s made me who I am and it's certainly kept me grounded. If my story can help, then great. If it helps people to change their habits, open their mail, open their bills. Little things like that. It's a knock on effect, I guess.
|
“Bless her, she sorted out the electricity. That was a major thing for me. It meant we could cook, it meant we could eat, it meant we could have a cup of tea.”
Debbie left her job of 15 years, just before lockdown. Despite applying for hundreds of jobs, Debbie and her partner spent almost 6 months relying on food banks, going for long periods without electricity or heating. Click the box to open full story |
Debbie's story
I’m Debbie, I’m 50 and I live in Hampshire with my long-term partner John. It’s been a tough year, but things are looking up now.
Escaping domestic violence
20 years ago, I ran away from an abusive relationship.
I was about to be moved to a domestic violence unit in Essex - I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone - but I broke down in front of my friend John on the day I was supposed to be moving.
He said, “We'll find somewhere. Even if we live on the street for the time being we will get you away from this situation.” So we literally got on a National Express bus and landed here. We came here because John knew a soldier in this area, and that soldier gave us a tent.
It was very cold. We lived in the tent on a green verge at the back of the police station for two weeks. It was quite a terrifying experience because you never knew if you were going to wake up in the morning. But we made it through.
Putting myself back together
We ended up getting somewhere off our own back. We loved the place and we decided to stay. I managed to get myself a job. I did really well and won the gold award nearly every year. In many ways, everything was brilliant.
But I was so closed off, I wouldn't make friends. I was too scared, because I didn't trust anybody. And that has only changed in the last couple of years.
I had to mask it at work. Every year I had to go to this event to get the award. I’d walk through the door of the hotel, and be like, ‘smile now.’ Even when I answered the phone, I’d smile, and immediately become that other person again. Totally bizarre. But it’s how you get through.
Weirdly, it really helped when I started working at my local Conservative Club. I was only there a couple of months but the people there were lovely. All elderly. There was one lady who was 97 and she couldn't cook for herself anymore. So I’d go and cook her lunch to make sure she'd eat every day. I'm still in touch with her now, even though the place has closed down.
All of a sudden, I realised I wasn't the outsider anymore, I was actually part of this miniature community. And I sort of opened up to everything. I don't know why, but that place was just magical. Weird, but true.
Problems at work
We really thought everything was sorted. I was in my job for 15 years.
And then a new manager came in. The new manager didn't really like the way I did the job. So we battled and I quit my job thinking, ‘I'll get another job.’ But the following week… COVID. My goodness…
I kept applying for jobs and applying for jobs. I took the first one that came with a courier company, working from home. That was okay, the wages weren’t great, but it was work, which stopped me going insane! But this didn’t work out as they called everyone back to the office and I was getting three trains and paying more than I was earning.
John was working at first. He did a cleaning job in a big building, you know covid cleaning - going around sterilising everything after everybody had been in. But he’s got COPD. He deteriorated badly, his diabetes got worse and in the end he couldn't work anymore.
Desperate times
Universal Credit wasn't giving us any money because they were saying we could both work. And we were like, “But we can't. We can't work. I can't work because I was making a loss and he can't work anymore. Full stop. We need help.”
Eventually they agreed that they'd give us a food parcel. When I went to the food bank for the first time I struggled because it was a huge crowd of people. I just felt really awkward. Like I was begging.
At some point, our electricity was turned off so we had this food parcel that was mostly tins of soup. Or pasta. We couldn't cook it. So I'm like, “What am I going to do here?”
So things like that were going on. In the end we were drinking cold soup out of the cans and eating dry cereal because we didn't have the milk to go with it. I couldn't charge my phone. That was a problem with Universal Credit, because we weren't allowed to go down to the office to see them in lockdown and everything about UC is online.
And I'm sat there in the middle thinking, What do I do? In the end, someone gave us the Salvation Army details and they provided some food parcels. They were great.
But I was so worried about how I’d keep John fed. He's ill. He was struggling. He was cold. Obviously in the summer it wasn’t so bad - he just slept through it. But in the winter it was different. We’d spend all day in bed; sitting there in jumpers and coats and blankets, just trying to keep warm.
Getting help
This went on for about six months. Letters were coming through the door and I just stuck it all in a pile. After a while I just thought, “Yeah, well, what can I do, because I haven't got it.” And sometimes I’d be relieved when I couldn’t charge my phone because nobody could get hold of me. I was making it worse for myself but I just didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to be here anymore.
It’s like half of your brain just keeps going round and round and round but the other side shuts down. It's like you've got this pint pot, and you're just pouring pints and pints and pints in. And then it overflows and it won't take anymore, it just can't.
Eventually, a lady from the Landlord’s got in touch about the rent. When I explained the situation, I'll be honest, I broke down on the phone. I explained it all and she said she would refer me to Clean Slate.
Then Katherine called and she was so calm. She listened to everything and she started to explain that when you get in a situation like we did, you shut down. Most people do. And that was the first glimmer for me, because I was like, “It's not just me. It's not just me that feels like a complete and utter failure. There are other people out there.“
Even though I knew all that really, it took someone to make me see it. To open my eyes and say, “Hang on a minute, you are not the failure you think you are, it’s the situation around you that's failing.” Katherine put it into a way that I could understand, and introduced me to the fact that there might be something I could do about it. It was little bits at a time.
I remember Katherine tried to call me and I had to message her back on WhatsApp saying I've got one bar left on my phone and the minute I pick it up I know it's going to die. And bless her, she sorted out the electricity.
That was a major thing for me. I keep harping on about it but that was a really, really big thing. It meant we could cook, it meant we could eat, it meant we could have a cup of tea. It meant we could put the heater on for an hour.
Katherine did Clean Slate’s Future-proof Finance Quiz with me - one at the start and we repeated it when we finished working together. I got more points on the last one which gave me a bit of a buzz. It’s good because it brings each thing into focus for you.
Katherine suggested we ask about Personal Independence Payments for John as well as going for Universal Credit. So we put in a claim. We didn’t hear anything for ages and things kept getting lost at their end but in the run up to Christmas, we kept pushing and pushing because of Katherine. Then, just after Christmas, it all started coming through. I was like, “Oh my god. Thank goodness.”
A fresh start
I'd been applying for jobs throughout. One night in December, I remember saying to John, “I've applied for 42 jobs tonight.” Most of them you don't hear back from but that following day, my phone wouldn't stop. I ended up with interviews and three offers on the table. On that same day, a previous customer rang me and said, “Debbie, are you still available?”
I said yes straight away. The week before I started, he rang me and said, “Will you do five days a week instead? And I'll give you a pay increase.” So it was win-win for me. I definitely took the right job. I've just gone on from there.
Reflections
I was embarrassed. It was the lowest I have ever been. But as I say to John, and John says to me, every day is a learning curve. And there's a reason that we go through what we go through. That's all I can say. I don't know what that reason is. I don't think I want to know what that reason is. But there is a reason that we go through it and we become stronger on the other side.
So, you know, if I can help anyone in that situation, I would. It’s just getting to that stage. It's getting to that first day. It's being shown where that step is, if you like.
Ironically, I'm starting this year with a clean slate. I can move on, I can try and put a full stop on the last couple of years and make preparations in case anything like that ever happens again.
I wasn't prepared for it. Nobody was, let's be honest. Nobody saw Covid coming. I think I would always be more prepared. And also, if I did ever get myself into that situation, I'm now aware that there are people out there that can help and I'm not the only one in that situation.
Although it's not nice for other people to be in that situation, sometimes the feeling that you're not alone is huge.
Escaping domestic violence
20 years ago, I ran away from an abusive relationship.
I was about to be moved to a domestic violence unit in Essex - I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone - but I broke down in front of my friend John on the day I was supposed to be moving.
He said, “We'll find somewhere. Even if we live on the street for the time being we will get you away from this situation.” So we literally got on a National Express bus and landed here. We came here because John knew a soldier in this area, and that soldier gave us a tent.
It was very cold. We lived in the tent on a green verge at the back of the police station for two weeks. It was quite a terrifying experience because you never knew if you were going to wake up in the morning. But we made it through.
Putting myself back together
We ended up getting somewhere off our own back. We loved the place and we decided to stay. I managed to get myself a job. I did really well and won the gold award nearly every year. In many ways, everything was brilliant.
But I was so closed off, I wouldn't make friends. I was too scared, because I didn't trust anybody. And that has only changed in the last couple of years.
I had to mask it at work. Every year I had to go to this event to get the award. I’d walk through the door of the hotel, and be like, ‘smile now.’ Even when I answered the phone, I’d smile, and immediately become that other person again. Totally bizarre. But it’s how you get through.
Weirdly, it really helped when I started working at my local Conservative Club. I was only there a couple of months but the people there were lovely. All elderly. There was one lady who was 97 and she couldn't cook for herself anymore. So I’d go and cook her lunch to make sure she'd eat every day. I'm still in touch with her now, even though the place has closed down.
All of a sudden, I realised I wasn't the outsider anymore, I was actually part of this miniature community. And I sort of opened up to everything. I don't know why, but that place was just magical. Weird, but true.
Problems at work
We really thought everything was sorted. I was in my job for 15 years.
And then a new manager came in. The new manager didn't really like the way I did the job. So we battled and I quit my job thinking, ‘I'll get another job.’ But the following week… COVID. My goodness…
I kept applying for jobs and applying for jobs. I took the first one that came with a courier company, working from home. That was okay, the wages weren’t great, but it was work, which stopped me going insane! But this didn’t work out as they called everyone back to the office and I was getting three trains and paying more than I was earning.
John was working at first. He did a cleaning job in a big building, you know covid cleaning - going around sterilising everything after everybody had been in. But he’s got COPD. He deteriorated badly, his diabetes got worse and in the end he couldn't work anymore.
Desperate times
Universal Credit wasn't giving us any money because they were saying we could both work. And we were like, “But we can't. We can't work. I can't work because I was making a loss and he can't work anymore. Full stop. We need help.”
Eventually they agreed that they'd give us a food parcel. When I went to the food bank for the first time I struggled because it was a huge crowd of people. I just felt really awkward. Like I was begging.
At some point, our electricity was turned off so we had this food parcel that was mostly tins of soup. Or pasta. We couldn't cook it. So I'm like, “What am I going to do here?”
So things like that were going on. In the end we were drinking cold soup out of the cans and eating dry cereal because we didn't have the milk to go with it. I couldn't charge my phone. That was a problem with Universal Credit, because we weren't allowed to go down to the office to see them in lockdown and everything about UC is online.
And I'm sat there in the middle thinking, What do I do? In the end, someone gave us the Salvation Army details and they provided some food parcels. They were great.
But I was so worried about how I’d keep John fed. He's ill. He was struggling. He was cold. Obviously in the summer it wasn’t so bad - he just slept through it. But in the winter it was different. We’d spend all day in bed; sitting there in jumpers and coats and blankets, just trying to keep warm.
Getting help
This went on for about six months. Letters were coming through the door and I just stuck it all in a pile. After a while I just thought, “Yeah, well, what can I do, because I haven't got it.” And sometimes I’d be relieved when I couldn’t charge my phone because nobody could get hold of me. I was making it worse for myself but I just didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to be here anymore.
It’s like half of your brain just keeps going round and round and round but the other side shuts down. It's like you've got this pint pot, and you're just pouring pints and pints and pints in. And then it overflows and it won't take anymore, it just can't.
Eventually, a lady from the Landlord’s got in touch about the rent. When I explained the situation, I'll be honest, I broke down on the phone. I explained it all and she said she would refer me to Clean Slate.
Then Katherine called and she was so calm. She listened to everything and she started to explain that when you get in a situation like we did, you shut down. Most people do. And that was the first glimmer for me, because I was like, “It's not just me. It's not just me that feels like a complete and utter failure. There are other people out there.“
Even though I knew all that really, it took someone to make me see it. To open my eyes and say, “Hang on a minute, you are not the failure you think you are, it’s the situation around you that's failing.” Katherine put it into a way that I could understand, and introduced me to the fact that there might be something I could do about it. It was little bits at a time.
I remember Katherine tried to call me and I had to message her back on WhatsApp saying I've got one bar left on my phone and the minute I pick it up I know it's going to die. And bless her, she sorted out the electricity.
That was a major thing for me. I keep harping on about it but that was a really, really big thing. It meant we could cook, it meant we could eat, it meant we could have a cup of tea. It meant we could put the heater on for an hour.
Katherine did Clean Slate’s Future-proof Finance Quiz with me - one at the start and we repeated it when we finished working together. I got more points on the last one which gave me a bit of a buzz. It’s good because it brings each thing into focus for you.
Katherine suggested we ask about Personal Independence Payments for John as well as going for Universal Credit. So we put in a claim. We didn’t hear anything for ages and things kept getting lost at their end but in the run up to Christmas, we kept pushing and pushing because of Katherine. Then, just after Christmas, it all started coming through. I was like, “Oh my god. Thank goodness.”
A fresh start
I'd been applying for jobs throughout. One night in December, I remember saying to John, “I've applied for 42 jobs tonight.” Most of them you don't hear back from but that following day, my phone wouldn't stop. I ended up with interviews and three offers on the table. On that same day, a previous customer rang me and said, “Debbie, are you still available?”
I said yes straight away. The week before I started, he rang me and said, “Will you do five days a week instead? And I'll give you a pay increase.” So it was win-win for me. I definitely took the right job. I've just gone on from there.
Reflections
I was embarrassed. It was the lowest I have ever been. But as I say to John, and John says to me, every day is a learning curve. And there's a reason that we go through what we go through. That's all I can say. I don't know what that reason is. I don't think I want to know what that reason is. But there is a reason that we go through it and we become stronger on the other side.
So, you know, if I can help anyone in that situation, I would. It’s just getting to that stage. It's getting to that first day. It's being shown where that step is, if you like.
Ironically, I'm starting this year with a clean slate. I can move on, I can try and put a full stop on the last couple of years and make preparations in case anything like that ever happens again.
I wasn't prepared for it. Nobody was, let's be honest. Nobody saw Covid coming. I think I would always be more prepared. And also, if I did ever get myself into that situation, I'm now aware that there are people out there that can help and I'm not the only one in that situation.
Although it's not nice for other people to be in that situation, sometimes the feeling that you're not alone is huge.
|
“I've got a solution now. I've got years of pottering around with all my vinyl and magazines and books and just loads of stuff that I can sell on ebay.”
After a successful career as a radio DJ, John suddenly found himself unemployed. Nearing retirement, John’s self-esteem suffered. After reaching out for help, he found just what he needed in the pages of Quids in! magazine Click the box to open full story |
john's* story
*Name has been changed
My name is John. I’m 65 years old, and nine months away from my pension. I've been struggling with unemployment for the last seven years, after many decades of employment and everything being fine. I’ve been struggling to get jobs, applying for hundreds of jobs and not getting anywhere. You get to that stage where you lack belief in yourself and your self-esteem starts to suffer. You think, ‘I'm multi-skilled, I've had jobs in the past.’ And you start to wonder why. And then, when you talk to other people your age, it seems to be a trend that happens.
Career
I was a radio DJ for twenty odd years. I was also an Archaeology Assistant for 15 years. I loved history. It was so amazing, I loved that time.
Losing my work has really impacted me because they were such vocational careers; it broke me a bit when the radio went bust and I couldn't find any more radio jobs. It impacted my self-belief and everything.
When I lost my work, I fell out of music for years, with all the equipment just sitting around. I’d say it's probably been some sort of depression.
Looking for work
I would take anything I could get really. I did the odd days with recruitment agencies - you get the odd day or week of work but never anything permanent. I've worked in factories and production lines and customer service.
It’s a bit like Groundhog day. Stuck, you know? You can't really plan anything because you don't know what's coming next, there's no security so you’re stuck in the moment.
Clean Slate, Quids in! and a spark of hope
I was down the job centre because the removal of the £20 Universal Credit uplift had really killed me, just as it's financially burdened millions in our country. That's what really kicked this off. I thought, ‘Oh my God, I'm going under now, I can't actually keep up with the money anymore.’
The lady at the Job Centre said Clean Slate is still available. And I thought, ‘Clean Slate’ - those symbolic words - clean slate is what I need. I needed to stop and reassess and look from another point of view.
Maggy called me and explained all about what we were going to do. We did the Future-proof Finance Quiz. Going through the questionnaire really helped to get a clear focus of the important things to sort out and the conversations with Maggie have been really cathartic - to talk and share one's thoughts with a friendly ear really helps. We found a government fuel payment of 100 pounds. And I got my travel card. I realised I'm entitled to a travel card for bus and rail. I hadn’t bothered about that before, but now my car is causing trouble and I don't have money to fix it. My travel card means I can go on my bike and take it on the bus and the rail. So that's another help if I do get a job locally.
Maggy also sent me a link to Quids in! magazine which I read, and then after I was like, 'Oh, right'. It sort of stimulated me.
There was an article all about selling unwanted items and I realised this was something I could do. It brought me back to the days involved in researching and doing things like that. With radio production you had to do a lot of research and look things up and plan and everything so that sort of started to come back to me.
I just started looking around because I've got loads of vinyls and magazines - I've been a bit of a hoarder and collector over the years. I realised, ‘Oh my God, I've got all these things in the loft.’ And then it made me realise I could do the eBay thing and sell things online.
I've got a solution now, I've got all this to do. And this can keep me going. I've got years of pottering around with all my vinyl and magazines and books and just loads of stuff that I can sell on ebay.
I'm digitally recording now and I thought, ‘Well, I've got to get back to DJing.’ So what can I do? I've got all the mixes from the recordings we did years ago. So I'm going to have to start digitising all the vinyl and things and maybe do something through YouTube because radio is basically gone now but of course there are hundreds and thousands of radios online, so I've got to go online, haven't I?
Being online
Most people are listening on internet radio, more than the national radio now. It's quite stylized nationally. But if you go onto the internet, you can find your own personal favourite era or genre of music.
People are very disadvantaged if they don't have some sort of internet connection. Because again, that helped me get out of things. If I couldn't afford a book, I could go to places like archive.org and get free books. And you can go to YouTube and learn about your car or playing an instrument or learn how to cook. It's just endless what you can learn through the internet connection.
I’m lucky I've had that. I think that's been another saviour. I think I'd have been even more disconnected without it. And even if you feel like you've been split off and you feel really alone, you can find connection there. You can at least find like-minded people and feel that you're not alone, even if you're physically alone.
Reflections
Somehow, we've got to try and look for a little spark inside. We all have creative potential inside us, we just get swamped by the outer things and finances and everything. We've got to try and seek that thing inside ourselves that can help bring us back from that place. It might be just by doing simple things like being in nature or just finding something that can relieve us and get us out of that dark hole.
Eventually I realised it was time to ask for help. I’d come to that point emotionally and mentally where I knew I had to try and look around for things. Find a way to talk to people.
You come to realise that this is a human thing. You're not on your own. This is a natural human response to certain things that happen to us. There are also natural responses to looking for help and inspiration. Look for something that can help to drag you out of that place.
My name is John. I’m 65 years old, and nine months away from my pension. I've been struggling with unemployment for the last seven years, after many decades of employment and everything being fine. I’ve been struggling to get jobs, applying for hundreds of jobs and not getting anywhere. You get to that stage where you lack belief in yourself and your self-esteem starts to suffer. You think, ‘I'm multi-skilled, I've had jobs in the past.’ And you start to wonder why. And then, when you talk to other people your age, it seems to be a trend that happens.
Career
I was a radio DJ for twenty odd years. I was also an Archaeology Assistant for 15 years. I loved history. It was so amazing, I loved that time.
Losing my work has really impacted me because they were such vocational careers; it broke me a bit when the radio went bust and I couldn't find any more radio jobs. It impacted my self-belief and everything.
When I lost my work, I fell out of music for years, with all the equipment just sitting around. I’d say it's probably been some sort of depression.
Looking for work
I would take anything I could get really. I did the odd days with recruitment agencies - you get the odd day or week of work but never anything permanent. I've worked in factories and production lines and customer service.
It’s a bit like Groundhog day. Stuck, you know? You can't really plan anything because you don't know what's coming next, there's no security so you’re stuck in the moment.
Clean Slate, Quids in! and a spark of hope
I was down the job centre because the removal of the £20 Universal Credit uplift had really killed me, just as it's financially burdened millions in our country. That's what really kicked this off. I thought, ‘Oh my God, I'm going under now, I can't actually keep up with the money anymore.’
The lady at the Job Centre said Clean Slate is still available. And I thought, ‘Clean Slate’ - those symbolic words - clean slate is what I need. I needed to stop and reassess and look from another point of view.
Maggy called me and explained all about what we were going to do. We did the Future-proof Finance Quiz. Going through the questionnaire really helped to get a clear focus of the important things to sort out and the conversations with Maggie have been really cathartic - to talk and share one's thoughts with a friendly ear really helps. We found a government fuel payment of 100 pounds. And I got my travel card. I realised I'm entitled to a travel card for bus and rail. I hadn’t bothered about that before, but now my car is causing trouble and I don't have money to fix it. My travel card means I can go on my bike and take it on the bus and the rail. So that's another help if I do get a job locally.
Maggy also sent me a link to Quids in! magazine which I read, and then after I was like, 'Oh, right'. It sort of stimulated me.
There was an article all about selling unwanted items and I realised this was something I could do. It brought me back to the days involved in researching and doing things like that. With radio production you had to do a lot of research and look things up and plan and everything so that sort of started to come back to me.
I just started looking around because I've got loads of vinyls and magazines - I've been a bit of a hoarder and collector over the years. I realised, ‘Oh my God, I've got all these things in the loft.’ And then it made me realise I could do the eBay thing and sell things online.
I've got a solution now, I've got all this to do. And this can keep me going. I've got years of pottering around with all my vinyl and magazines and books and just loads of stuff that I can sell on ebay.
I'm digitally recording now and I thought, ‘Well, I've got to get back to DJing.’ So what can I do? I've got all the mixes from the recordings we did years ago. So I'm going to have to start digitising all the vinyl and things and maybe do something through YouTube because radio is basically gone now but of course there are hundreds and thousands of radios online, so I've got to go online, haven't I?
Being online
Most people are listening on internet radio, more than the national radio now. It's quite stylized nationally. But if you go onto the internet, you can find your own personal favourite era or genre of music.
People are very disadvantaged if they don't have some sort of internet connection. Because again, that helped me get out of things. If I couldn't afford a book, I could go to places like archive.org and get free books. And you can go to YouTube and learn about your car or playing an instrument or learn how to cook. It's just endless what you can learn through the internet connection.
I’m lucky I've had that. I think that's been another saviour. I think I'd have been even more disconnected without it. And even if you feel like you've been split off and you feel really alone, you can find connection there. You can at least find like-minded people and feel that you're not alone, even if you're physically alone.
Reflections
Somehow, we've got to try and look for a little spark inside. We all have creative potential inside us, we just get swamped by the outer things and finances and everything. We've got to try and seek that thing inside ourselves that can help bring us back from that place. It might be just by doing simple things like being in nature or just finding something that can relieve us and get us out of that dark hole.
Eventually I realised it was time to ask for help. I’d come to that point emotionally and mentally where I knew I had to try and look around for things. Find a way to talk to people.
You come to realise that this is a human thing. You're not on your own. This is a natural human response to certain things that happen to us. There are also natural responses to looking for help and inspiration. Look for something that can help to drag you out of that place.
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“When we first met I felt scared of budgeting, but Clean Slate really helped me get on top of things, helped me get things into perspective.”
Jackie, who has a learning disability, lives in Gloucestershire with her son and her dog. When she came to Clean Slate, she was overwhelmed by her bills and ‘couldn’t see the wood for the trees.’ Click the box to open full story |
jackie's story
Jackie, 54, lives with her son in a two bed property owned by a Housing Association. She had previously been managing her money by herself. Jackie has a learning disability and a wide range of health conditions that affect her mobility and wellbeing.
We first met Jackie at a local cafe and did our money health check and benefits checker, to map her income and expenditure. At that point, she did not have a clear idea of what was happening with her money, apart from when she was running out at the end of each month. We worked out that she had lots of direct debits set up, but there was information missing. Jackie should have had around £150 per month left over, and that wasn’t the case. Jackie couldn’t get a handle on the total amounts owed and this was causing her a lot of anxiety.
“My main worry was having to go to court and having the bailiffs round. I’ve got a condition called Dyscalculia so managing money is difficult for me and it impacts on my mental health.”
Jackie was also very worried about Christmas and not having enough savings to buy presents. Our Income and Expenditure form allowed us to visually show Jackie what was happening, and to identify spending that she wasn’t taking into account - such as taxis, as public transport is difficult for her.
Jackie had pre-existing debts that she had already worked with StepChange to consolidate in one monthly payment, but she also owed money to a care organisation.
We made sure that Jackie’s utilities were as low as they could be - she was worried about changing supplier but she applied for and got the Warm Homes Discount (£140) and referred herself to Healthy Homes for advice around utilities.
We spoke to the former care company alongside Jackie, to establish how much she owed (just over £300) and explained her circumstances, leading to a slightly lower monthly repayment of £25/month. Jackie had been worried about calling them, but afterwards she felt a lot less worried.
We also referred her to the Independence Trust and the Carers Hub for additional support.
Jackie attended our 3 B’s course at Gloucester Library, along with her son, which was run in the Enablement Team drop in and tailored to the needs of people living with disabilities. The course was a real morale boost.
Jackie and her son were vocal participants on the day, sharing lots of ideas about how to save. They had warm and supportive conversations with other attendees, about the challenges for people with disabilities when it comes to managing a low income. During the course we looked at benefits checkers, price comparison websites, reducing your spend on groceries by finding deals and doing a supermarket shop online, and places online to find other bargains.
We drew up a financial calendar showing when the direct debits went out, and benefits came in, so that Jackie could visualise what was happening.
We realised that spending on groceries was higher than it needed to be, because her fridge/freezer was small, and not working properly.
We helped Jackie look online for cheap white goods and sourced a free, nearly new fridge/freezer. Since then, and until lockdown, her spending on food decreased as she was able to bulk buy more.
During lockdown, Jackie’s mental health was affected by the fact that her dog was unable to go into the communal garden (it needed a fenced-in section), and was barking a lot inside the house.
With help from Clean Slate, using Facebook, we helped Jackie find cheap fencing and installation from a local vet, which meant the dog could use the garden.
Jackie found that with these changes and a newly adapted bathroom, she was coping well living independently. She has voluntarily reduced her spend on home care for the time being, from £316 every 4 weeks to £86/4 weeks - a saving of £230/4 weeks. She has used some of this money to find a cheap deal online for a cordless mower, paying £74 and saving £50 in the sale, which means her son can mow the lawn.
Jackie started putting money aside to cover vet bills and animal costs, as well as £5/week into her savings account for birthdays and Christmas. After a few weeks, she increased it to £10/week. Her current savings are now £500 plus nearly £300 left over in her current account.
“When we first met I felt scared of budgeting, but Clean Slate really helped me get on top of things, helped me get things into perspective.”
We first met Jackie at a local cafe and did our money health check and benefits checker, to map her income and expenditure. At that point, she did not have a clear idea of what was happening with her money, apart from when she was running out at the end of each month. We worked out that she had lots of direct debits set up, but there was information missing. Jackie should have had around £150 per month left over, and that wasn’t the case. Jackie couldn’t get a handle on the total amounts owed and this was causing her a lot of anxiety.
“My main worry was having to go to court and having the bailiffs round. I’ve got a condition called Dyscalculia so managing money is difficult for me and it impacts on my mental health.”
Jackie was also very worried about Christmas and not having enough savings to buy presents. Our Income and Expenditure form allowed us to visually show Jackie what was happening, and to identify spending that she wasn’t taking into account - such as taxis, as public transport is difficult for her.
Jackie had pre-existing debts that she had already worked with StepChange to consolidate in one monthly payment, but she also owed money to a care organisation.
We made sure that Jackie’s utilities were as low as they could be - she was worried about changing supplier but she applied for and got the Warm Homes Discount (£140) and referred herself to Healthy Homes for advice around utilities.
We spoke to the former care company alongside Jackie, to establish how much she owed (just over £300) and explained her circumstances, leading to a slightly lower monthly repayment of £25/month. Jackie had been worried about calling them, but afterwards she felt a lot less worried.
We also referred her to the Independence Trust and the Carers Hub for additional support.
Jackie attended our 3 B’s course at Gloucester Library, along with her son, which was run in the Enablement Team drop in and tailored to the needs of people living with disabilities. The course was a real morale boost.
Jackie and her son were vocal participants on the day, sharing lots of ideas about how to save. They had warm and supportive conversations with other attendees, about the challenges for people with disabilities when it comes to managing a low income. During the course we looked at benefits checkers, price comparison websites, reducing your spend on groceries by finding deals and doing a supermarket shop online, and places online to find other bargains.
We drew up a financial calendar showing when the direct debits went out, and benefits came in, so that Jackie could visualise what was happening.
We realised that spending on groceries was higher than it needed to be, because her fridge/freezer was small, and not working properly.
We helped Jackie look online for cheap white goods and sourced a free, nearly new fridge/freezer. Since then, and until lockdown, her spending on food decreased as she was able to bulk buy more.
During lockdown, Jackie’s mental health was affected by the fact that her dog was unable to go into the communal garden (it needed a fenced-in section), and was barking a lot inside the house.
With help from Clean Slate, using Facebook, we helped Jackie find cheap fencing and installation from a local vet, which meant the dog could use the garden.
Jackie found that with these changes and a newly adapted bathroom, she was coping well living independently. She has voluntarily reduced her spend on home care for the time being, from £316 every 4 weeks to £86/4 weeks - a saving of £230/4 weeks. She has used some of this money to find a cheap deal online for a cordless mower, paying £74 and saving £50 in the sale, which means her son can mow the lawn.
Jackie started putting money aside to cover vet bills and animal costs, as well as £5/week into her savings account for birthdays and Christmas. After a few weeks, she increased it to £10/week. Her current savings are now £500 plus nearly £300 left over in her current account.
“When we first met I felt scared of budgeting, but Clean Slate really helped me get on top of things, helped me get things into perspective.”
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“We should talk about money more, make it OK, so people come forward before it’s too late.”
Harry, a professional musician from London, fell into debt after bookings dried up during the pandemic. He feels more value should be placed on the arts and the impact of the pandemic on artists shouldn’t be underestimated. Click the box to open full story |
Harry’s* story
*Name has been changed
I’m Harry, a professional musician, dancer and choreographer living in London. I feel that many in my profession have been squeezed into poverty by the pandemic.
The value of music
From playing in church, I know music is very powerful. Music helps you forget everything and it helps you remember everything. As artists, whether we're dancers, whether it's somebody who's doing ballet or whatever it is, we're all part of that process of helping people get to another destination. Hopefully, that's a better one and they walk out feeling better than they did.
I still remember my first gig. I thought I’d messed up actually.
Afterwards, these two young ladies came over and we were chatting and then I saw their mother was crying. And I'm like, 'Oh, God.' And anyway, she's explaining that the song that I sang is what her father used to sing to her and he passed away fairly recently. She was so thankful because she was on the verge of giving up but she didn't tell her children. She said to me, sort of in private, that the song had brought her back to realising he's still here. And he's still loving her.
The impact of the pandemic
Our last gig before the pandemic was a charity gig in an old people’s home. The paid gig that was to follow, and pay for it, was cancelled.
Money wise, I usually budget about three months ahead. It depends on what's coming in, what the shows are and all that business.
At first, with certain outgoings, it was like, ‘that's not really a problem, I'll be fine because I've still got money from gigs that I haven't been paid for yet.’ But certain things like my gym membership I cut back on. And then obviously, as it extended, it was like, ‘I need to sort out my insurance’ and everything like that. Then after a while it was just carrying on and carrying and I'm just getting expenses now. Where's the income? Yeah, it was a massive blow.
Support from Clean Slate
I spoke to Malieka at Clean Slate after being put in touch by my work coach. Basically, it was getting so desperate. I was looking at these numbers and just feeling, ‘Wow, everything’s kicked off.’ I was feeling hopeless.
Malieka helped me with budgeting, she put me in touch with Business Debtline. I don't think I'd be too far off stating that she helped me feel safe or at a minimum it's okay to breathe again.
It wasn't only practical, but emotional support, too. That of somebody listening that wasn't too closely involved, and being able to understand and sort of translate into practical terms what to do. Because I didn't want to be in this situation.
We need to talk about money
It's lifesaving; being able to talk to people who are non judgmental, that are actually capable of listening and understanding instead of quoting Latin scriptures! Instead of those people that say you can loan money from them and it only costs you 42% a year or whatever it might be.
Money needs to be talked about, preferably without negative judgement. I think the major factor of having that conversation is the fear of being judged by your peers. But also of being judged by people you don't know, as in - is it okay for me to speak about this?
I didn't want to get into anything that involved a handout. I prefer being self sufficient. I think all of us want to be able to feel that we can go and do work, get paid and live our lives and not rely on somebody.
When you’re on benefits, it sometimes feels a bit like a toxic relationship and you have no idea why. There can be a lot of shame when you ask for help; feeling you’ve failed at something. You know, because you're having to talk and get help from somebody that you don't know. So we should talk about it more, make it OK, so people come forward before it’s too late.
I’m Harry, a professional musician, dancer and choreographer living in London. I feel that many in my profession have been squeezed into poverty by the pandemic.
The value of music
From playing in church, I know music is very powerful. Music helps you forget everything and it helps you remember everything. As artists, whether we're dancers, whether it's somebody who's doing ballet or whatever it is, we're all part of that process of helping people get to another destination. Hopefully, that's a better one and they walk out feeling better than they did.
I still remember my first gig. I thought I’d messed up actually.
Afterwards, these two young ladies came over and we were chatting and then I saw their mother was crying. And I'm like, 'Oh, God.' And anyway, she's explaining that the song that I sang is what her father used to sing to her and he passed away fairly recently. She was so thankful because she was on the verge of giving up but she didn't tell her children. She said to me, sort of in private, that the song had brought her back to realising he's still here. And he's still loving her.
The impact of the pandemic
Our last gig before the pandemic was a charity gig in an old people’s home. The paid gig that was to follow, and pay for it, was cancelled.
Money wise, I usually budget about three months ahead. It depends on what's coming in, what the shows are and all that business.
At first, with certain outgoings, it was like, ‘that's not really a problem, I'll be fine because I've still got money from gigs that I haven't been paid for yet.’ But certain things like my gym membership I cut back on. And then obviously, as it extended, it was like, ‘I need to sort out my insurance’ and everything like that. Then after a while it was just carrying on and carrying and I'm just getting expenses now. Where's the income? Yeah, it was a massive blow.
Support from Clean Slate
I spoke to Malieka at Clean Slate after being put in touch by my work coach. Basically, it was getting so desperate. I was looking at these numbers and just feeling, ‘Wow, everything’s kicked off.’ I was feeling hopeless.
Malieka helped me with budgeting, she put me in touch with Business Debtline. I don't think I'd be too far off stating that she helped me feel safe or at a minimum it's okay to breathe again.
It wasn't only practical, but emotional support, too. That of somebody listening that wasn't too closely involved, and being able to understand and sort of translate into practical terms what to do. Because I didn't want to be in this situation.
We need to talk about money
It's lifesaving; being able to talk to people who are non judgmental, that are actually capable of listening and understanding instead of quoting Latin scriptures! Instead of those people that say you can loan money from them and it only costs you 42% a year or whatever it might be.
Money needs to be talked about, preferably without negative judgement. I think the major factor of having that conversation is the fear of being judged by your peers. But also of being judged by people you don't know, as in - is it okay for me to speak about this?
I didn't want to get into anything that involved a handout. I prefer being self sufficient. I think all of us want to be able to feel that we can go and do work, get paid and live our lives and not rely on somebody.
When you’re on benefits, it sometimes feels a bit like a toxic relationship and you have no idea why. There can be a lot of shame when you ask for help; feeling you’ve failed at something. You know, because you're having to talk and get help from somebody that you don't know. So we should talk about it more, make it OK, so people come forward before it’s too late.
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“I had to beg him… I’ve never begged for money off anyone, it’s the worst feeling in the world.”
Mum-of-four Rachel, left a physically and financially abusive relationship, with almost £10K in debt. Clean Slate helped her take control and Rachel tells others, “Don’t panic” Click the box to open full story |
Rachel’s* story
*Name and some key details have been changed to keep ‘Rachel’ safe
My name is Rachel, I’m a 42 year-old single Mum of four children - all living at home in Wales. The older ones are Louise - she’s 25 and Cooper is 23. Then the younger ones are Scarlet who is 6 and Jack, who is 3.
The older ones are absolutely brilliant. They’re like mums and dads themselves to the two younger ones. Everything just works like clockwork in this house!
My ex-partner
My ex-partner was controlling and abusive, and left me with almost £10,000 in credit card debt. I was scared of him. He is such a powerful, powerful person. It’s hard to explain. It’s as if he’s over the top of you, like a cloud over you, just dominating you.
His temper just got out of control. We had the kitchen done a few years ago and all the cupboards are smashed in. In the end I had to call the police and he moved out.
I know this sounds strange and it’s been like 16 months but I still put the chain on my door. He’s such a Jekyll and Hyde sort of person. I told the social workers I’ve got a feeling he’s going to turn up. So they’ve got a marker on the house with the police. And I’ve got my panic alarm.
Financial abuse
He was so controlling of things. I used to be self employed, I’d pay my own bills and have my own money but then I lost my job, he moved in and started his own business and all my family credit stopped. All his earnings were in his bank - he wouldn’t put me anywhere near the money.
I had to beg him, “Look, she needs some shoes, can I have some money for shoes?” I’ve never begged for money off anyone, it’s the worst thing in the world! I never, ever want to feel like that again in my life.
There was one instance when we were in town and I told him I needed £100 by the end of the month to cover the rest of the mortgage and he said, “I’ll give it to you later.” Then he went and bought nearly £600 of fishing gear. I just came home and cried.
After all the bills, I’d have something like £60 a month left. That’s for fuel, food and everything else. It’s hard to say really because I used to have this money and just make it last. So I used to just buy bread and milk. But the older kids would sometimes come back with bits of shopping which helped.
Clean Slate support
The debt just mounted up and in the end I was put in touch with Clean Slate. Geraldine used to phone me every week. There was something really good about just getting stuff off my chest. It’s a bit of a boost.
Obviously she knew what bills I’ve got and she pushed me in the right direction and I followed the leads. She gave me the £85 tesco vouchers as well which was a massive help to be honest. We just went and filled the freezer up. Just to go with £85 in your hand, not having to worry about being so careful, because you’ve only got £12 or whatever. It was a big help and lasted ages.
Getting back to work
I’ve just landed myself two part time jobs. It’s just so nice to have that wage packet again. It’s ace!
One of my jobs is working in a supermarket. I’m just doing the training at the moment. You know it’s easy, but it’s hard at the same time! There’s a lot you’ve got to remember. I also work for a local florist. I’m really enjoying it! I’m still learning at the moment, obviously.
I have thought a few times about being a manager, maybe in the supermarket. I’d love to manage something. I’m such an organiser, I’m good under pressure and I like to get things running like clockwork.
Getting out of debt
The first thing I’d say is don’t panic. Because at the very beginning I think that’s what I did. Now I’ve got this big, A4 piece of paper with bills on. When they go out, I tick them off. You’ve just got to work out your priority bills and just seek help. I went to the national debt helpline. I went through everything and told them what I’d got and they told me about these payment arrangements. They can do it all for you, or you can phone them up and do it yourself. I chose to do it myself. One by one I went through the list and when I got to the end, a weight just lifted off my shoulders. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. Just don’t panic.
My name is Rachel, I’m a 42 year-old single Mum of four children - all living at home in Wales. The older ones are Louise - she’s 25 and Cooper is 23. Then the younger ones are Scarlet who is 6 and Jack, who is 3.
The older ones are absolutely brilliant. They’re like mums and dads themselves to the two younger ones. Everything just works like clockwork in this house!
My ex-partner
My ex-partner was controlling and abusive, and left me with almost £10,000 in credit card debt. I was scared of him. He is such a powerful, powerful person. It’s hard to explain. It’s as if he’s over the top of you, like a cloud over you, just dominating you.
His temper just got out of control. We had the kitchen done a few years ago and all the cupboards are smashed in. In the end I had to call the police and he moved out.
I know this sounds strange and it’s been like 16 months but I still put the chain on my door. He’s such a Jekyll and Hyde sort of person. I told the social workers I’ve got a feeling he’s going to turn up. So they’ve got a marker on the house with the police. And I’ve got my panic alarm.
Financial abuse
He was so controlling of things. I used to be self employed, I’d pay my own bills and have my own money but then I lost my job, he moved in and started his own business and all my family credit stopped. All his earnings were in his bank - he wouldn’t put me anywhere near the money.
I had to beg him, “Look, she needs some shoes, can I have some money for shoes?” I’ve never begged for money off anyone, it’s the worst thing in the world! I never, ever want to feel like that again in my life.
There was one instance when we were in town and I told him I needed £100 by the end of the month to cover the rest of the mortgage and he said, “I’ll give it to you later.” Then he went and bought nearly £600 of fishing gear. I just came home and cried.
After all the bills, I’d have something like £60 a month left. That’s for fuel, food and everything else. It’s hard to say really because I used to have this money and just make it last. So I used to just buy bread and milk. But the older kids would sometimes come back with bits of shopping which helped.
Clean Slate support
The debt just mounted up and in the end I was put in touch with Clean Slate. Geraldine used to phone me every week. There was something really good about just getting stuff off my chest. It’s a bit of a boost.
Obviously she knew what bills I’ve got and she pushed me in the right direction and I followed the leads. She gave me the £85 tesco vouchers as well which was a massive help to be honest. We just went and filled the freezer up. Just to go with £85 in your hand, not having to worry about being so careful, because you’ve only got £12 or whatever. It was a big help and lasted ages.
Getting back to work
I’ve just landed myself two part time jobs. It’s just so nice to have that wage packet again. It’s ace!
One of my jobs is working in a supermarket. I’m just doing the training at the moment. You know it’s easy, but it’s hard at the same time! There’s a lot you’ve got to remember. I also work for a local florist. I’m really enjoying it! I’m still learning at the moment, obviously.
I have thought a few times about being a manager, maybe in the supermarket. I’d love to manage something. I’m such an organiser, I’m good under pressure and I like to get things running like clockwork.
Getting out of debt
The first thing I’d say is don’t panic. Because at the very beginning I think that’s what I did. Now I’ve got this big, A4 piece of paper with bills on. When they go out, I tick them off. You’ve just got to work out your priority bills and just seek help. I went to the national debt helpline. I went through everything and told them what I’d got and they told me about these payment arrangements. They can do it all for you, or you can phone them up and do it yourself. I chose to do it myself. One by one I went through the list and when I got to the end, a weight just lifted off my shoulders. There’s light at the end of the tunnel. Just don’t panic.
